KEEP CALM.

Patience is not a virtue of mine. I have a habit of making very sudden, very irrational decisions at a moment's notice. There is never any warning, either. I just think about something, get an idea into my head, and have to do it. I have to. If I don't follow through with these ideas, I'll go insane. It's ridiculous. I am ridiculous. I just need to learn to take a time out. Keep calm and carry on.

I get carried away.

I want to always be outside. I hate being shut up in my apartment for hours on end. Restless Bekah Syndrome is in full swing. So is Disenchanted Syndrome. Come on, baby, play me something like "Here Comes The Sun." This has been a disjointed post.

the married couple across the room...

they are quite similar in physical appearance. brown hair. glasses. wearing complimentary colors. they aren't particularly distinguishable. it fits. they look to be studying. happy just to sit together and do some schoolwork in the middle of a busy day. they look up every so often; say a few words, exchange smiles. two perfectly constructed puzzle pieces. the woman stands up to leave. she hesitates a moment, looking down at him. she pushes a piece of hair back into place behind his ear. such a tiny gesture. such a loud moment. no one else seems to notice. she bends over just enough to wrap her arms around his neck, kisses him on the top of the head. her lips move to form a few sentences. did she tell him she loved him? was she reminding him of a dinner invite that evening? or was she promising to kick his butt at tic-tac-toe upon her return? it doesn't matter much. he sits alone now. tapping his foot and glancing up every few minutes, waiting for her to reappear.

ache.

My bones ache to be in proximity to yours.

Is it cool with everyone if I post random things I've just jotted down that really make no sense? Ok.

fingers almost touch
cinder block scrapes
on the back of your hand
speechless
air that is too warm
and dust that grabs
at our throats
blink
to clear the
sentimental thoughts.

I feel it all.

I want to capture feelings and put them in jars. Every single one. And none of them will be labeled. Each day I’ll just pick a jar and feel whatever is inside. And I’ll allow myself to feel fully. I don’t think I ever allow myself that leisure.

For That Future Someone..

This is what it’s like. You help me see the cards I need to win a game of solitaire. I read aloud to you when your eyes are weak from staring at your computer. I give you the section of the newspaper that you like best. You give me a glass of orange juice to make sure I’ve had my Vitamin C. We’ll fold ourselves into piles of blankets and drink cocoa when it’s cold outside. We’ll lay in the rich, thick grass of late summer and talk about our childhoods. Rain, sunshine. Fevers, chills. Little courtesies, big aggravations. Always keeping each other in mind. You'll be the one to hold my attention.